Healthy Sexual Relationships
When thinking about good sexual relationships, the most important relationship to consider is the one between you and your own body.
Being in touch with ourselves gives us the best guide when it comes to sex. Young women are given lots of different and confusing messages about how they should look, what they should or shouldn’t wear, and how they should act. All these messages can make us feel like when it comes to sex it’s more about what is expected of us rather than what we actually want, which isn’t true. So take your time to get to know what you actually like both physically and emotionally. Knowing ourselves is the best way to have healthy sexual relationships with others.
The Basics About Sex
Understanding the basics is important as it helps us better understand our own relationship with sex, and how others might understand sex. This can also help us in having positive conversations about sex.
What is sex? Sex is a healthy and natural activity and can mean a lot of different things to different people. You have a right to decide what sex means to you depending on your what feels sexual to you. When talking about sex with someone else, it is important to make sure you understand what each other's definitions of sex are, and that those are respected. There is a good guide here around the different things sex can mean to people.
When should I have sex? There is no rush or deadline, you get to choose when you have sex. The reason you should have sex is because you want to, and you feel comfortable doing it. Having sex isn’t something you should do because you are under pressure or feel like you must.
Good sexual relationships are built on safety and freely given consent. Sex can be exciting and enjoyable if everyone involved feels safe, respected and keen. Consent can feel a little confusing sometimes, so the easiest way to know someone consents is when they give you an enthusiastic “yes!”. Bodysafe have some great guidelines for understanding more about consent.
What even is sexuality? Sexuality refers to who someone is attracted to sexually, emotionally, physically and/or romantically. We often hear the terms “straight”, “gay”, “lesbian” and “bisexual” which all relate to different sexualities that people identify with. There are many more other sexualities as well.
What is sex positivity and how does it apply to me? Sometimes swex-positivity gets misunderstood, it doesn’t mean that all sex is positive or that everyone should be having sex all the time. Sex-positivity celebrates healthy sexual relationships and is about empowering individuals to control their own sex life. If we think of sex itself as something that is bad, then it makes it hard to have a healthy relationship with sex.
If you've had a negative sexual experience it might put you off sex for a while, and that's okay. However, it doesn’t mean long term you can’t have a positive relationship with sex, because sex can be great. Check out this article to read more.
Sex Myths
There are a lot of myths about sex, and a lot of ideas that get thrown around in the media and by society. It is important to know what is real, and what isn’t so we aren’t comparing ourselves or others to unrealistic or unhealthy standards.
Sex shows up in the media a lot, but often it gets poorly represented. TV shows, music, the internet and movies often depict sex unrealistically. A lot of the time what we see is a lack of foreplay, no open conversations about consent and boundaries, and no discussion of contraceptives or sexual safety. They also often describe sex as being 100% awesome all the time, which can make us feel pressured to act like this is true for us or doubt ourselves when it isn’t. It is normal for sex to not always be out-of-this-world amazing, to have open and safe conversations, and take your time.
Porn isn’t real sex. Some of the most damaging messages about our sexuality come from mainstream porn, in which sex is unrealistic and shows aggressive attitudes towards women. Porn features activity that isn’t always safe or about the pleasure of those involved. You can learn more about the issues with porn at it's time we talked.
Want to learn more about healthy sexual relationships? Check out these links.
Scarlet Teen has heaps of great sex-ed info
BodySafe has great info all about consent, respect and support
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