Feeling Pressured
There are lots of different things that can influence our decisions and what we do. One of the reasons we hear a lot is that we want to fit in, or that we just want to make the people we care about happy. Sometimes when we are making decisions though, we can feel pressured. It can be really hard to say “no” when we are feeling under pressure, but it is a really important skill that can help us manage our boundaries and protect our wellbeing.
Where does pressure come from?
We can experience pressure in a whole range of different ways. Some of the most common types of pressure we hear about at Dear Em are:
Peer pressure. This is when our friends want us to do something, or when there is something all our friends think is cool, so we feel like we have to agree and go along with it. You might feel peer pressure to do thinks like drink, vape, or skip school.
Family pressure. This is when our family want us to make decisions that they think are right. A lot of the time family pressure can come from a good place, like your family wanting the best for you, but it can be really stressful when you don’t agree with them. You might feel pressured to study certain topics, or to take on certain responsibilities.
School pressure. This is when we feel like we have to succeed or excel in things we’re involved with at school, like our studies, sports, or extra-curriculars.
Relationship pressure. This is when the person we are in a relationship with wants us to do something that we might not feel comfortable with.
Pressure on ourselves. Sometimes we might put pressure on ourselves to succeed, or to live up to our values. Just like stress, sometimes this kind of pressure can be good for motivating us, but only to the point where it isn’t impacting our wellbeing. When this kind of pressure starts getting to us, it might be time to talk to someone about it.
How to deal with different types of pressure?
There are different things we can think about, and boundaries we can set to help us stay safe and reduce the stress of feeling pressured.
Know your limits. If something crosses your limits or boundaries, it is okay to say ‘no’ and take a step back. This can be hard but helps us to protect our own wellbeing.
Set healthy boundaries. Having an open conversation about what your boundaries are can help everyone to stay on the same page. Sometimes people don’t realise they might be pressuring us, so having an open conversation like this can help.
Walk away. Sometimes when we disagree with someone and we feel pressured by them, it might not be easy to say something or to have a conversation with them. Sometimes we just need to walk away, take ourselves to a safe space, and come back to it when we feel comfortable and safe.
Talk to someone. Dealing with pressure on our own can be hard, so sometimes it can help to bring in a safe and trusted person to support us. This might be someone you already know like a friend, family member, or teacher. Or this could be through a support agency - you can find a range of awesome and supportive agencies on our Who to reach out to page.
What type of pressure is never okay?
While it is natural to feel pressure, and the people pressuring us might not always realise, there are some kinds of pressure that are never okay.
Sexual pressure. It is never okay for anyone to pressure you into doing anything sexual that you don’t want to.
Pressure to watch porn. It is never okay for someone to force you to watch something you don’t want to, or something that will make you uncomfortable.
Ignoring your boundaries. It is never okay for someone to ignore the boundaries you have set and ignore when you say ‘no’.
If you experience these kinds of pressure from someone, it is a good idea to talk to another person about it. These kinds of pressure are red flags that help to tell us something isn’t right, so these are great opportunities to find support and deal with the situation. You might want to talk to a teacher, family member, friend, or even a professional about this. You can explore a range of different support agencies here and find someone who will understand what you are going through and how to help.
