Read real stories about inspiring women and be empowered to look after your mind, body and spirit through the good and bad times.
Read real stories about inspiring women and be empowered to look after your mind, body and spirit through the good and bad times.
Sexual Abuse is a sexual activity that lacks your consent and exploits you. This could be someone pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, like watching porn or sending explicit photos. It could also be touching you without your permission or forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to.
Sometimes you can consent to some types of sex but not others. If they still force you to do it, that is still considered coercion and is not OK
One key difference between healthy sexual activity and harmful sexual behaviour is if power or manipulation is used over you, to get someone’s else’s needs met.
There are many cases of strangers doing this, but more often it's the people you know and trust who do this. This is true both worldwide and in New Zealand.
Making someone watch porn when they don’t want to.
Sending sexual photos without consent of the receiver.
Coercing/ threatening someone into sending sexual photos.
Sharing sexual photos of someone publicly without their consent.
Making explicit sexual threats.
Peeping at someone else’s body or exposing a body inappropriately.
Sex with someone under age by someone older.
Sexual touch that is unwanted or uncomfortable.
Rape: acquaintance rape, stranger rape, drug rape, partner rape, date rape, gang rape and child rape.
The legal age of sexual consent is 16. Having sex with someone younger than this is considered sexual abuse.
Here is a comic that describes how our society normalises some harassment, and how this culture impacts women.
It can be handy to know key definitions around sexual abuse. Check them out below.
Rape: When the penis of one person penetrates the genitals of another person without that person’s consent, or without a reasonable belief that the person has consented.
Sexual violation: Means rape or unlawful sexual connection.
Unlawful sexual connection: Penetration by a penis or another part of the body or object, or oral sex without consent.
Sexual abuse: Any sexual contact or exposure to pornography that has not been consented to or is done to someone under 16 years old.
Incest: Sexual intercourse between parent and child, siblings, or grandparent and grandchild, though in general use the term refers to any sexual contact between people who are closely related.
Indecent assault: Any touching of a sexual nature that has not been consented to.
Sexual harassment: Sexual words, or behaviour that is unwelcome or offensive and which is either repeated or of such a significant nature that it causes harm to a person.
Everyone who has had an unwanted sexual experience reacts and deals with it in their own way, but there are some common feelings young women describe. Sometime it can feel like you are going crazy, so it can help to learn what these common reactions are. Remember, reactions will be different for every person, and there is no right or wrong way to react. These common reactions include:
Not able to concentrate
Getting into arguments
Not wanting to be touched
Feeling like spewing
Not able to eat, or constantly wanting to eat
Not able to sleep, or wanting to escape into sleep all the time
Feeling bad about themselves, changing the way they dress, perhaps dressing in baggy clothes, or dressing to heighten their sexuality as this can feel like one way to make sense of the abuse
Feeling really down / depressed / sad
Crying a lot, maybe without knowing why, just at anything
Feeling really scared, scared to be alone, scared to be around people
Having nightmares
Having flashbacks, vivid memories of what happened, unable to control them
Feeling totally out of control, not knowing what's happening
Getting sick more often
Getting angry at others
Disbelieving, how could this happen
Wanting to forget completely what happened
Not wanting to talk about it
Taking drugs or alcohol to help numb out the pain
Cutting / burning self to make the hurt stop
Getting really drunk at parties
Being sexual with lots of different people
If you have recently disclosed information about an unwanted sexual experience to your parents or a family member our free downloadable information sheet can help them understand what to do next and how you might be feeling.
It is normal for many questions to be raised when you or someone you know has been through sexual abuse.
HELP has a list of Frequently Asked Questions you can find here.
