Dealing with Breakups

Breakups. Nothing can prepare you for the hurt that you can feel afterwards, whether it's between you and your best friend, or you and your romantic partner, they simply make you feel like the whole world is against you. In some situations, you could feel hurt by the other person's actions, and the other person could feel hurt by your actions. Miscommunication, jealousy, mixed signals, and a whole lot of emotion can arise from a breakup, and it's important to know that everything you feel in a breakup is valid. Letting out these emotions is healthy, and as one of my favourite sayings goes;

“you can't heal what you don't let yourself feel.”

Which is completely true and a tool that can help with getting over a breakup and moving forward.

Letting go is something easier said than done. Sure, you have the chance to let go of the hurt, sadness and pain someone may have caused you, but at the same time letting go of someone who had such a significant role in your life is hard. I personally understand that letting go is easier said than done, and I believe isn't talked about enough to assure others that it's actually a really tough process. I believe in standing strong and persevering through difficult times, although hard, it can bring room for more exciting, memorable and new experiences in your life.

Allow yourself to grieve a breakup, talk to a friend, make yourself some comfort food, flick on a good movie and look after yourself. Know that this time you give to yourself is time not wasted; time for yourself ALWAYS is time never wasted. Accept that the relationship or friendship is over and take the time to forgive yourself for anything that you may have felt could have hurt the other person, if this is a hard thing to do, remember how many times that you forgave that other person. Asking yourself self reflective questions is a good place to start when healing from a breakup, I suggest grabbing a journal and writing about how you feel and how this situation has affected the relationship you have had not just with the other person, but yourself. Prompts like ‘do you enjoy the person, or the idea of the person’ is a good one, or even, ‘do I want to hold on to this person because it makes me feel genuinely good, or is it just familiar?’ Asking these questions can help you figure out more about yourself, and even can teach you the purpose and lessons you received out of the relationship, opposed to focusing more on the fact it didn't last forever. 

Closure is a massive aspect that can affect the healing ‘time’ of a breakup, some people can openly talk about what went wrong between each other and can offer each other closure to smoothly close the chapter together. I would just like to quickly point out though, there is no time frame of healing from a breakup, it depends entirely on the person and situation. In other cases, closure can be hard to get. I've personally been in many experiences where finding some sense of closure is difficult, which just drags on the process of healing and letting go. A quote I found which has stuck with me through a breakup I personally went through was…

“sometimes the only closure you’ll get is accepting that the past can’t change. And that's okay.”

The memories you had with that person are special and depending on how the relationship ended, you'll maybe always have fond memories of that person.

Sometimes though, breakups can be unhealthy, and affect people in negative ways. It's so important to face your emotions and accept them for how they are. But if you start cutting out your friends, start feeling uninterested in things you like to do normally, and the only purpose of your life seems to stem from what your ex is doing and glamorising the relationship without taking into account all the negative aspects of the relationship, then it's a good idea to reach out for help. Reaching out for help can sometimes be scary, but in the long run can be quite rewarding and can also help you get to know yourself a bit more. Check out Em’s resources on their website of who you can contact if you or a friend is struggling in an unhealthy relationship and/or breakup. All in all, it's important to remember that these times with that person were great in that moment, but it's time to let go so you can let in other opportunities and people that await you.