What's the deal with cheating?

We talked to a few girls and asked what their thoughts were on cheating - check out what they had to say!

We all know cheating can be a really complicated subject. What even is cheating? What is and isn’t okay? How do you deal with cheating? There are lots of different takes on cheating - so we talked to a few girls to find out what their thoughts were. 

Pearl, 16

I myself have never been one to cheat or be cheated on, however, I have had a best friend of several years cheat. This was an incredibly conflicting experience for me to be involved in. I wanted to support my friend with everything I had as I could see they were struggling with what others thought of this, but I found myself having to justify their actions to myself and to others as this was how I had to seemingly show support. Over time, I have been able to recognise that support does not necessarily happen to be a complete agreement with actions or a willingness to defend them. Support is about being able to understand and empathise with a person. I had confused loving and supporting my best friend as a whole with agreeing with every one of their actions. This, I’ve realised, is utterly false. 

Ella, 20

In every romantic relationship, most of the time, two people share core values that are believed to be the root of why two people are compatible, and what holds them together, kind of like glue. Sometimes though, people can break these values and share ugly sides like dishonesty, unloyalty and selfishness which can hurt the other person and break the relationship. Cheating is something that I believe is probably among the top three things you can do to someone to absolutely crush them. The act of being committed to someone else and then totally blindsiding them is a horrible feeling that I do not wish upon anybody.

In basic terms, cheating is the act of being exclusive with one specific person, and then breaking that trust and getting with another person, for reasons I am unaware of other than; that person is just an awful person. Cheating can be a lot more complex though and from my personal experiences being a victim of a cheating boyfriend, can be split into many categories, two being physical and emotional. I've personally experienced the emotional side of cheating, where my significant other went out his way to put out his feelings for another girl. When I found out, he would tell me ‘it’s not actually bad because I didn’t actually physically cheat on you.’ This hurt a lot because at the time it invalidated how I felt completely and left me thinking that what he was saying was true- sure, he had the intentions but he never actually got up and did it, so it can't be that bad? Wrong! Cheating on someone is a complete break of trust, when your dating someone you have the agreement that you and that person are a ‘thing’ a ‘team’ an ‘item’ whatever you want to call it, and it's not fair on you if the other person disvalues this act as it ’not being a big deal’ because if it hurts you- it definitely is. I stayed with the guy for three months, because at the time my rose tinted glasses were glued to my eye sockets and I thought he was ‘the one.’ Through these three months I developed this little thing I like to call self respect! I realised that I just can’t be treated the way I had been through nearly the whole relationship, he would say ‘I love you so much’ but if he really did would he do something like that? I didn’t trust him anymore, seeing him was just a chore at that point, and I remember so clearly sitting down with my best friends at the time and admitting to them that I had just simply fallen out of love for the guy. Ironically enough, after this conversation a couple of weeks later me and the boy won the cutest couple award at school which was hilarious to me, and I think just shows that behind closed doors, not every relationship you see is perfect. 

I've heard a few times that people will cheat on their partner because they don’t want to properly break up with the person because that feels more confrontational to properly sit down and say how they’re feeling. I just want to say though that if somebody were to cheat on you and use this as an excuse to invalidate their actions then that person is probably not worth your time anyway, if they really loved you they would be able to properly tell you how they feel. 

Surround yourself with good people. Your vibe affects your tribe and it's your friends and family that are going to have your back in the end. 

Katie, 18

Ultimately, for me, cheating is deal-breaker. However, what counts as cheating is the more controversial topic. I believe it’s up for the people involved in the relationship to define. Monogamous, ethical non-monogamy, friends with benefits, a situationship, whatever type of relationship you may or may not be involved in, as long as everyone involved has discussed and outlined what they’re comfortable with, have compromised to suit everyone’s needs as much as they can, and the conversation is kept open and ongoing, what counts as cheating is not relevant to outsiders. Even if it’s just stating whether you’re exclusive or not, or if you’re serious about what’s going on, keep it as simple but clear as you want. That’s what I would define as cheating.

That being said, its important to remember not to shut out the opinions of your familial and platonic relationships, it’s easy to be lost in your significant other/s but the possibility of becoming unreachable to others is very real, and destabilising. Being in a relationship is one thing, but being co-dependent and losing your sense of self is another. My advice is more not to let your love blind you into believing that things okay if they aren’t. If you’ve ever considered cheating, maybe you should first consider why, are you really committed to the relationship if you’re willing to break their trust? If you’re not truly committed, let them know, there’s no reason to stay aboard a sinking ship. It’ll feel better and cause less drama in the long run. Lastly, its your actions that count, you can’t control who you’re attracted to but you CAN stop yourself from making choices you might regret. Honestly, I’d rather joke about who I find attractive with my significant other/s than cheat on them with a stranger…Have fun, and stay safe gals 😉

It’s important to remember that there are lots of different opinions about cheating, so you can never assume the person you are with shares the same views as you. Whatever your thoughts are on cheating though, it is never okay to cross someone else’s boundaries. Having safe and open conversations can help you to better understand each other's boundaries, and avoid things like cheating.